Ten Formal Complaints in Six Months

This one was tweeted about across the globe so I asked the author, David Thorne,  if he would mind me sharing it on DCR back in 2011!  Its not exactly a complaint letter but is a series of formal complaints allegedly made about David by a work colleague. It first appeared on David’s utterly brilliant 27b/6 Blog.

David has also published a book containing much of the correspondence from the 27b/6 blog: ‘The Internet is a Playground – Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius’ I strongly recommend you get yourself a copy.

Anyway, this extract is about complaints and it’s very funny, so here it is:

Ten F26-A formal complaint notices in six months.

Apparently after receiving three, you are meant to have some kind of formal meeting between the parties involved but this never happened. According to the rules, if there are five complaints, an external mediator has to be bought in. This didn’t happen either and I was quite disappointed.

I don’t really have anything against Simon apart from the fact that he likes the band Nickelback and has no sense of humour; I just get bored. There have actually been twelve formal complaints by Simon against me but two of those were complaining that nothing had been done about the previous formal complaints so I didn’t bother scanning those in.

Complaint 01

Date of Offence: Feb 17 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

David Thorne changed my home page so instead of Google, it goes to a man singing. I did not give him permission to go on my computer. I have changed it back but it keeps happening. He also changed the P and W keys around on my keyboard so it opens the print box instead of closing the window and the plastic bit broke off when I tried to change it back. This is damaging company property.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

ten formal complaints 01
ten formal complaints 02

Complaint 02

Date of Offence: Mar 09 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

While I was away yesterday, David Thorne moved my desk into the kitchen and moved the water cooler and bookshelf and the big plant to where my desk was…  and he changed the photo of Karen I had in the frame to a photo of the fridge. This is taking personal property and wasting company time because it took me two hours to move it all back by myself (because he said he was too busy researching wasps to help).

Action Requested: Disciplinary

Complaint 03

Date of Offence: Mar 25 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

Sometime either this morning or last night, David Thorne glued pictures of his face onto the Nickleback poster above my desk. He used spray adhesive and when I tried to peel them off, it ripped the paper. This is damaging my personal property. He must have sprayed on my desk because there is a film of adhesive all over my desk and my arms stick to it when I am using my computer.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

ten formal complaints 04

Complaint 04

Date of Offence: Apr 04 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

While I was at lunch, David Thorne went on my computer or went on it over the network without my permission and he Photo-shopped Justin Beiber’s face onto all the photographs in my personal stock images folder. He did not have my permission and he admitted to doing it. This is a waste of company time and damage to my personal property.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

Complaint 05

Date of Offence: Apr 06 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

I got an email from Louise saying that i had to pay $75 for swimming lessons because it is a company safety regulation. When I gave her the money, she didn’t know anything about it. I know it was David Thorne because when I asked him if he had to do the lessons as well, he said no because he showed Louise a copy of his high school swimming certificate. But there are no lessons. You can’t send email from other people. This is fraud and a waste of company time.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

Complaint 06

Date of Offence: May 11 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

While I was downstairs in the WIP meeting, David Thorne painted my iPhone white with liquid paper. This damaged my personal property. It is the third time he has damaged my property on purpose. I know it was him because because before I went into the meeting, I said I wanted the new white iPhone. There is liquid paper in the plug that the headphones go into.

Action Requested: Disciplinary; replacement

Complaint 07

Date of Offence: Jun 13 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

While I was at lunch, a package came for me because I ordered a t-shirt online last week. It was on my desk and when I opened it, there was a pair of socks in it and I could tell the package had been opened and taped back up. When I went into David Thorne’s office, he was wearing the t-shirt. He did not have my permission to open the package or touch my personal property.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

Complaint 08

Date of Offence: Jul 07 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

David Thorne keeps answering the phone by saying “Hello, this is Simon Dempsey”. I have asked him to stop but he is still doing it. Scott from APB rang and asked for a PDF and David said he couldn’t do it right away because it is time for his nap. This is unprofessional and makes me look bad to the client. He also keep sending me videos using Photobooth to make it look like he is on a roller-coaster. This is wasting company time and internet.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

Complaint 09

Date of Offence: Jul 15 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

I put a Tupperware container in the fridge that had a sandwich and a Kit-Kat in it and when I opened it at lunch time, there was a pickle in it instead. This is stealing. I know it was David Thorne because he said I should go to lunch early because I deserve a break today – which is what they say in the Kit-Kat advert. He did not have my permission to take my property.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

Complaint 10

Date of Offence: Aug 11 2011
Name of person Filing F26-A: Simon Dempsey
Name/s of person/s Involved: David Thorne

Description: 

I had two boxes of business cards in my desk drawer and sometime in the last month, David Thorne replaced them with cards that have my title changed from Graphic Designer to Horse Whisperer. I don’t know when he changed them so I don’t know how many I have given out to people. This is a waste of company money and unprofessional.

Action Requested: Disciplinary

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