This reply was allegedly sent by BIC in response to a complaint about a faulty pen. Its author, one Edgar Hernandez, does in fact work for BIC but he is based in Los Angeles whereas the letter purports to be from the British arm of the company. I think it is safe to say therefore that this is a spoof. That doesn’t make it any less funny of course. Edgar, feel free to proclaim your guilt or innocence through the comments below.
Dear Mr. Harrison,
Thank you very much for your letter bringing our attention to your faulty BIC pen. We produce 1.7 billion BIC pens every year so unfortunately, we cannot test each and every one.
Having spoken to our team of engineers, we cannot ascertain why one of the medium point Bic crystal ball point pens that you purchased “only draws large cocks“. We have never heard of this occurring previously and we couldn’t recreate this anomaly so we can only assume that this pen was temporarily possessed and we will drop it off at a local church for exorcism.
Hopefully it won’t end up accidentally next to the marriage register.
We are sorry to hear that this pen ruined your Grandmother’s Birthday card and that you must now sign for credit card purchases by “penning an enormous phallus“. Luckily, Chip and Pin is prevalent throughout the UK.
As an apology, I have enclosed 5x fine point BIC Orange stick pens for your usage. I have personally tested each one for erroneous genitalia production and these seem to be OK.
Yes, the pen lids are very good for scratching in your ears and blowing through the lids is a great way to annoy people. No, we have never received any reports of our orange BIC disposable razors shaving penises into things.
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