“I had no problem at all with the glass bathrooms. My wife is a very attractive woman and I rather enjoyed standing on the bed and watching her take a shower. Of course, I would have preferred to stand on the floor but there wasn’t a bit of floor big enough to accommodate both of my modestly sized feet”
“Usually, Spaghetti Bolognese has some spaghetti in it. Potato Lyonnaise more often than not contains some potato. There are exceptions of course – Shepherds Pie and Toad in the Hole spring to mind – but for the most part, the name of these prepared foods is generally a very good guide as to the principal ingredient”
“I’ll never forget queuing very early one morning in a Starbucks near Union Square in San Francisco with all the flakes and hookers – they made the cast of ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ look like a bunch of Nobel prizewinners – and the barista looked at me like I was the crazy one just because I’d ordered a Quadruple Tall Latte”
Every spring for the last few years, a family of starlings has moved into the eaves of our house where they nest, and produce lots more starlings before leaving again at the end of the summer. Every morning at 4.30am on the dot, they suddenly come to life and take their morning exercise by running up and down the length of the house within the eaves, just above my daughter’s bedroom.
“You have a website that doesn’t work with the world’s largest and utterly industry standard computer operating system. The website of the UK’s ninth largest bank goes tits-up on every single new computer sold in the world today. I defy anyone to find a more mind-blowing example of commercial stupidity”.
“Mr. Guttering’s unique installation on the rear elevation is a lesson to us all in how to piss-off a homeowner. Not only has he managed to leave a huge gap through which all the rainwater flows (making the downpipes entirely superfluous) but he has also managed to put it directly over the fibreglass mock-lead roof of the dining room below! Whenever it rains, it sounds like we have the entire Nagasaki Drum Ensemble rehearsing in the Dining Room”.