COMING SOON: The Volvo Tractor Song

A couple of years ago, I acquired my very first SUV. And my first Volvo. And my first petrol-engined vehicle for many years. It was an XC40, loaded with extras, and I thought it was one of the best all-round cars I had ever driven. But when it went in for service in October, the car came back very poorly indeed. Four months later, not only have Volvo failed to fix it, but they’re saying I broke it – which is not true.

So I thought I’d write a song about it!

EasyJet: No Fun in Funchal

esayjet complaint

This is the incident that sealed my hatred of Easyjet. Up until this point, they were just crap. When they’d cancelled my flight to Madeira in 2010, I was introduced to the unbelievable world of Easyjet Customer Relations – a strange place, staffed by people with strange names and an uncanny ability to avoid saying anything useful…

Stratstone BMW – Can I have my Car Back Please?

Recently, I had two cars towed away on consecutive days. It wasn’t a good week. The first car was a cherished 21 year old sports car I’ve owned for 14 years and the alternator had finally given up the ghost. No problem with that. The second was a brand new BMW 420D M Sport Plus that I had just paid an awful lot of money for just a few weeks earlier. Oh well, Stratstone BMW would fix it for me wouldn’t they?
Well actually it turned out, they wouldn’t….

Portsmouth Parking Prohibition

portsmouth parking complaint collage

We all see plenty of No Parking signs but there weren’t any when comedian, Eugene Mirman parked his car in Portsmouth. He even paid the parking charge. So, he was less than pleased when he found a parking ticket on his windscreen after a stroll round the New Hampshire town. In fact, he was so displeased that he wrote a letter to the authorities, and took out a full page advert in the local guidebook to make sure that they read it…

Europcar Morocco: Satan’s Chariot

europcar satans chariot

“I shook hands with a berber tribesman who’d been crossing the desert on a camel and sleeping rough for weeks and even HE was taken aback by the smell of my hand. “It’s the steering wheel!” I cried. “It’s not my fault!” An american tourist in Fez thought I was a vet. When I asked why, he said: “Your hand smells so bad I just assumed that it spent a lot of time deep inside pregnant cows.” “