Ten Formal Complaints in Six Months

9 years ago, I asked the author, David Thorne,  if he would mind me sharing this on Dear Customer Relations. As time passed, it got buried deeper in the site and so it is high time it was featured once again. It concerns a series of ten formal complaints made about David by his work colleague, Simon.
And it is very funny indeed!

FlyBe: Mr. Tosser and the Whoosh-Whoosh

FlyBe Making Flying Shit

There was a time when my day job meant that I had to visit Glasgow rather a lot and because the eight hour round-trip drive and the ten hour round-trip train journey were both so mind-numbingly dull, I often resorted to taking the plane. Unfortunately, that meant flying with FlyBe…

LIDL – The Wookiee at the Checkout

DCR is endebted to Mrs M.W. of Derby sent in a letter penned by her husband to the German discount supermarket chain LIDL back in 2009 before they were in every town in the UK. Alas, they still haven’t replied. So much for German efficiency.

EDF: Who Defrosted Uncle Fred?

EDF complaint body in attic

A power cut lasting three days is inconvenient enough but when you have a body in the freezer in the loft, things can get decidedly unpleasant….

Stratstone BMW – Can I have my Car Back Please?

Recently, I had two cars towed away on consecutive days. It wasn’t a good week. The first car was a cherished 21 year old sports car I’ve owned for 14 years and the alternator had finally given up the ghost. No problem with that. The second was a brand new BMW 420D M Sport Plus that I had just paid an awful lot of money for just a few weeks earlier. Oh well, Stratstone BMW would fix it for me wouldn’t they?
Well actually it turned out, they wouldn’t….

Black Country Living Museum: Mr. Trebus and the Child Catcher

“All I want is to not have our wallets emptied while in your site and to be able to navigate into, throughout and more to the point, away from your site without the need for sustained prayer, a fully stocked first aid kit and a willingness to take our families to repeated therapy sessions to expunge the horror embedded in their psyche by your site’s experiences.”

Checkers: Bacon Philly Cheese Steak – A Study in Minimalism

Checkers Philly Cheese Steak

Dear Customer Relations has become well known for its footnotes ‘For American Readers’ which seek to explain the finer points of UK English and place names to our American cousins. For this remarkable letter written by Tam Tran to US fast food chain, Checkers, the boot is on the other foot.

Highways Agency – The Last Ghostly Miner

highways agency mole

I had the gross misfortune of commuting along the M62 to Leeds for over 30 years. As if the costs of motoring were not high enough, the Highways Agency’s attitude to routine maintenance leaves much to be desired. So much so that commuters’ cars are being damaged by the appalling condition of the motorway. Well, someone had to tell them….

LA Fitness: The Naked Truth

After the contents of his locker are stolen, Richard C of Los Angeles is obliged by LA Fitness staff to expose his wedding tackle on Hollywood Boulevard….