Starbucks: A Global Pandemic of Mediocrity

starbucks defaced cup

“I’ll never forget queuing very early one morning in a Starbucks near Union Square in San Francisco with all the flakes and hookers – they made the cast of ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ look like a bunch of Nobel prizewinners – and the barista looked at me like I was the crazy one just because I’d ordered a Quadruple Tall Latte”

Tampax Tampon Tantrum

Yes, this is a complaint letter about tampons.  So “Why is there a cuddly Labrador puppy?” I hear you say.  That’s Andrex, not Tampax, right? Well, it’s not just any old Labrador, it’s Marley, and he’s in the letter

Telstra: Ship of Fools

Telstra Ship of Fools

Another funny complaint letter to Telstra, formerly Bigpond, Australia’s largest and apparently most inept telecommunications company. Not just hilarious, but also highly educational.

Telstra: The Longest Complaint Letter Ever?

Telstra infogram

This is a complaint letter on an epic scale. It was written by blogger Cloaker Josh to Australia’s largest telecommunications company, Telstra Corporation, after they put a bar on outgoing calls on Josh’s phone. Getting the bar lifted proved to be just about the most difficult thing that Josh had ever done. At over 11,000 words, this letter takes a bit of getting through so I suggest you get a cup of good coffee or, as this is an Australian letter, a nice cool tinny, put your feet up and be very very glad that this didn’t happen to you!

Tesco: Who Stole the Macaroni?

“Usually, Spaghetti Bolognese has some spaghetti in it. Potato Lyonnaise more often than not contains some potato. There are exceptions of course – Shepherds Pie and Toad in the Hole spring to mind – but for the most part, the name of these prepared foods is generally a very good guide as to the principal ingredient”

The Express Dairies Milkman and The Rocket Launcher

I have considered setting my alarm for 01.45am and lying in wait for him but I just don’t think I would be able to confront him without stuffing a few token bottles of silver-top (and possibly a milk crate) where the sun doesn’t shine.

The Smelly Feet in Seat 15A

It never ceases to amaze me how many complaint letters are generated by our experiences on airlines. Here is another one but unusually, this letter is not addressed to the airline, but to one of its passengers!

Trouble at the Airport : the Car Park Stasi

airport stasi

Humberside Airport fined me £100 pounds for stopping on an airport road for just 31 seconds – that rate is enough to hire 29 100-foot super-yachts in Antigua! I wasn’t having any of that!

TV Licensing – I Don’t Even Have a Telly

DCR would like to thank Keith Hunt for submitting the following letter he wrote to TV Licensing after Amazon tipped them off that a TV had been delivered to Keith’s work address.

Unilever: The Lynx Effect

Every spring for the last few years, a family of starlings has moved into the eaves of our house where they nest, and produce lots more starlings before leaving again at the end of the summer. Every morning at 4.30am on the dot, they suddenly come to life and take their morning exercise by running up and down the length of the house within the eaves, just above my daughter’s bedroom.